If you can’t say anything nice…

by Jen Reeves on August 19, 2010 · 4 comments

in 2010, Growing

I’ve found I often clam up on my blogs when I’m under stress or overwhelmed with my mommy world. It’s too bad because there are so many supportive moms out in the blog world. A couple of weekends ago, I followed many of my online and “in real life” friends who attended the BlogHer 2010 conference in New York City. I also participated in a couple of online conversations where moms who couldn’t attend could talk on twitter. I was following #bhah and #HomeHer10 hashtags on Twitter. (If you don’t know how that works, I’m happy to explain if you’d like.) I’ve also found incredible mom support through the group Sammy’s Friends. I wonder why I don’t jump in and complain a little from time to time.

Life with Miss Jordan these days have come with a solid number of challenges that come with a four-year-old who is strong willed and confident. I’ve said this before, I don’t want to take that away from her. I just want a little bit of my sanity back.

While I was recovering from my knee surgery, I needed to rely on my mom for a good portion of time while Randy was teaching journalists in China. For some reason, the mix of grandma and a mom who couldn’t walk very well led to an extremely rebellious little girl. I reached my limit. So I decided to borrow a behavior trick Jordan’s school uses: The Jewel Jar.

When Jordan does something really well, she gets a jewel from one jar and puts it in the other. Simple things like eating dinner politely, going to bed without screaming and coming home from school without a fight gets her a jewel. We’ve used it for almost two weeks and I’m feeling positive that this might be helpful.

Jordan is clearly growing up (she demanded that she carry my purse today)… and It’s tricky for me to react properly every time. It’s tricky to not fight over silly things. But after having a conversation with some other Sammy’s Friends kids, I realize we’re all better off being open and saying: AHHHHH! Help! My kid is strong willed and confident and RUDE! I’m trying as hard as I can to get rid of the rude and keep that strong will and confidence. (Wish me luck.)

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Barbara August 23, 2010 at 6:27 pm

First I think the jewel jar is a great idea, easy to do and stop when it is no longer effective. Hope for 6 months. We went through several reward systems with our children that were mostly successful for maintaining some sense of authority. One downside of reward systems is that bright children tend to start negotiating early – for more reward.

As supportive as the blogosphere is – I suggest you try to find some IRL person/expert to talk to, if only once or twice. Only so much can go into a comment.

Wishing you good luck – since you asked.

I think I get the # thing – do you recommend using tweetchat? I have been wanting to announce an hour of live tweeting with me at a unique #. What do you think?

Trisha W August 24, 2010 at 5:56 am

Please tell me you found a magic wand to handle the strong willed + confident yet rude part of life!! How can a child be the sweetest thing on earth one second and such and little monster the next? *sigh* Send the wand my way when you find please. :)

NerdyMom August 26, 2010 at 8:34 am

@Barbara – I really like using tweetchat. It will help you follow a specific word or topic. Try checking out #HomeHer10 on tweetchat and you can see the ongoing discussion on twitter. (It’s calmed down a bunch since the actual weekend of Blogher.)

@Trisha – I will certainly share that wand when I uncover it!

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